1. You can carry a rabbit's foot for luck but remember, it didn't work for the rabbit.
2. When your teacher says "get out", it means you have won the argument.
3. Rumors inform you about things you never even knew about yourself.
4. Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper. By the time you realize it's open, it has already embarrassed you.
5. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
6. Also, if life doesn't give you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna be terrible.
7. At the end of the day. life should ask you, "do you want to save changes?"
8. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
9. If you think that nobody cares if you're alive, try leaving some debts due.
10. If a kid asks you how can Santa Claus live forever, a good answer would be that he drinks blood.
11. Never be quick to judge a typo. First, check the keyboard to see if the keys are close. And even if they are not, you pointing it out will rarely be appreciated.
12. Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose.
13. Pickles are just hulked out hotdogs.
14. I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.
15. Every time some says "expect the unexpected", the best course of action is to test that quote by punching them in the face.
16. Anything that is free, either has a reason, a question, a secret, a beauty, a defect, a damage or a near expiration date.
17. No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog. Kick some dirt over that shit and move on.
18. Few women admit their age. Few men act their own.
19. Beauty doesn't count if 90% of it can be wiped off with some water.
20. Those who drink get drunk. Those who get drunk go to sleep. Those who go to sleep don't sin. Those who don't sin go to heaven. So let's all drink and go to heaven!
21. A true friend will always be right by your side doing the same stupid things til the very end.
22. Be the person your dog thinks you are.
23. Love you enemies. It pisses them off.
24. Money talks. Its favorite word is "goodbye".
25. Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.
26. Contrary to a popular belief, standing a breath away from me doesn't make the line to the cash register smaller.
27. If you ever feel sad, just remember that somewhere in the world, there's a fat kid dropping his favorite ice cream.
28. If you are about to die inside an elevator, make sure you first press the up button.
29. Summer is the time when it's too hot to do all those things you put off last winter because it was too cold.
30. There are three types of learners: the ones that learn by seeing, the ones that learn by hearing, and those who have to pee on an electric fence to learn their lesson.
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